


Longer shadows, shorter days.

by Careza4251



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, First chapter: post Emily, Song fic?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 04:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5953035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Careza4251/pseuds/Careza4251
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> "You feel bad for him, for his unending sadness that has been present way before you and still you can't come up with something real to make him feel better." </i>
</p>
<p>I really enjoy the songs by the band Daughter. I thought I could make a story for a few of them... Maybe I'll end up using them all, I don't know. The thing is, those are not happy songs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Longer shadows, shorter days.

**Author's Note:**

> None of the chapters are related. They don't have a chronological order, either. The name of the chapter is the name of the song I based it on. I hope you enjoy it.

**Take the worst situations**

 **Make a worse situation**

 **

Follow me home, pretend you 

Found somebody to mend you 

**

\- 

You retrieve your necklace from the sand inside Emily's small casket. Your face has grown pale and you want to throw up so badly. This is worst than any nightmare you've ever had. How many more transgressions would that poor kid be the victim of? It isn't fair, why has the world been so cruel to a little girl?

You forget about Mulder who starts to get closer to you when he notices how your posture stiffens. Looking above your shoulder, he releases a loud sigh that startles you. 

"I wouldn't expect any less of them" you hear yourself muttering bitterly while clutching the golden cross between your fingers, palms now sweaty and heart beating at an alarming rate. You feel the walls closing, the rage building inside melting your stomach. 

"Scul.." Before Mulder can finish whatever he wants to say, you turn around and run out of the chapel without caring if he's following. You don't want anybody close because the anger is polluting your blood and you are afraid of contaminating somebody else. 

You walk fiercely without a purpose and twenty minutes later when your breathing is controlled and no longer making you dizzy you realize you are lost in a city you used to know by heart. It takes another ten minutes, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, to remember where you are and you want to cry right there where your conscience has returned, but your self control won't let you do that on the street with strangers looking. In spite of everything, there's a little piece of you that wants to keep what little dignity its left. It's not too much. 

A hand grips your shoulder and you know who it is. The shape of that hand is unforgettable but you don't want it there. "I don't want your company. Not now," you want to say but the words don't come out and he just looks at you like a lost puppy. You follow him reluctantly when he grabs your hand to get you home. "Let me go," you want to say, but that doesn't come out either. 

You want to stop breathing. 

\- 

**I feel numb**

 **I feel numb in this kingdom**

 **

I feel numb 

I feel numb in this kingdom 

**

\- 

Nobody is at Bill's house when you get there. Still holding hands, Mulder asks you something in the middle of the living room but you are not listening, you just nod and before you feel it, he has already let go of you and you are alone. In autopilot you walk to the second floor bathroom, turn the shower on, grab a towel, put it on top of your mouth and scream as loud as you can 'till your throat burns. 

When you get tired of screaming, you turn off the shower before the noise of falling water annoys you and get out like nothing ever happened. Mulder is sitting on the floor in front of the bathroom and looks at you with that worried expression that turns your stomach upside down. The nausea is back and the only thing you want to do is to hit him to erase that look on his eyes. But you don't, instead you sit beside him with your back against the wall and take the glass of water he is offering. 

You want to go home. 

\- 

**Can you clean lace faces?**

 **Black out nights and tight spaces?**

 **

We'll feel distant embraces 

Scratching hands 'round my waist, yeah 

I wish my mouth would still taste you 

**

\- 

Before you leave for Washington later that evening, your mother asks you and Mulder to stay for dinner and you oblige because you don't want to worry her. 

The food is flavorless and the wine you are drinking tastes like plain water, even the texture of the dessert feels wrong but you don't say anything. To hide your discomfort you make small talk and laugh politely at Bill's stupid jokes even when you are not listening. It's easy, you just laugh when your mom does and Mulder laughs because you do. He doesn't get Bill's jokes more than you do. 

At the end of dinner, you say your goodbyes, you hug your mom and she says her condolences again. You smile sadly instead of crying. That's progress. Bill hugs you by the door and kisses your cheek and if it were under different circumstances you would think that was sweet, but now it's feels forced, like a lie. 

*** 

Mulder is invading your personal space more than usual on your way to the airport. You feel like a porcelain doll and it's despicable so you move away with the excuse to buy bubblegum while you wait for your boarding call, trying not to look like a prey running away from their predator. 

At the duty free you spot a bottle of rum but dismiss it fast. When you are drunk you talk to much and over sharing is not something you like. You don't want to feel like an empty vessel if you give away your feelings over Emily, what would you have left, then? 

You loved her too much, too fast. What a shame. 

*** 

The flight was not memorable, you just remember getting inside the plane and then getting out. If you slept the whole flight, you don't know, the memories are not available and you don't care. You take a cab with Mulder and he sits really close to you. You feel a small spark of something you can't identify while feeling his body heat radiate through your clothes. It's the closest thing to a feeling you've experienced since Emily passed away and that intrigues you. Good. 

Mulder says something to the driver but again you are too distracted to listen. 

The cab stops by your apartment and you are surprised when Mulder gets out too. 

You walk inside the building and look for your keys inside your pockets, it takes you a while because you can't remember where you put them the last time you saw them. When you do find them, Mulder helps you open the door and waits for you to get inside. You don't, you stare at him until your arms move on their own volition and gather around Mulder's neck. Your lips are too close to his. 

You want to taste him. 

\- 

**You better, you better, you better**

**You better make me**

**Me better, me better**

**You better make me better**

**I feel numb, make me better**

 **I feel numb in this kingdom**

 **

feel numb, make me better  

feel numb in this kingdom 

**

\- 

Clothing is discarded along your apartment. You tumble together to the bedroom, kissing and touching frantically. In no time you are under the covers moving at a fast pace. You have your eyes closed and refuse to look at him, because you are doing this out of need while he has feelings for you, you've known this for a while. You feel guilty but a barrier has already been crossed. 

You cry out when you come only a few seconds before he does, feeling electricity through every blood vessel of your body. Mulder collapses on top of you breathing rapidly. His eyes water and you panic because you are not exactly sure what to do. 

"I'm sorry" he whispers. 

You are not sure what he means. He's sorry about what they just did? About Emily? About the blueberries he stole from you last week at the FBI cafeteria? You wouldn't really know. Your brain is not acting rationally, it doesn't know what you feel. 

So you caress his hair and assure him that everything is going to be ok like empty words. 

You feel bad for him, for his unending sadness that has been present way before you and still you can't come up with something real to make him feel better. 

Minutes go by and he falls asleep. Inside you, little has changed. It's going to take a while, I wouldn't lie to you about it. 

You want to become someone else. 

\- 

**I feel numb in this kingdom**

 **I feel numb in this kingdom**

 **

I feel numb in this kingdom 

I feel numb in this kingdom 

**

\- 

You wake up with sun rays hitting your eyes. Mulder is still sleeping beside you and with all your heart you wish to feel something for him again. 

You feel numb. You don't want to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr as trustno1butacos, so if you want to drop by and say something, that would be lovely. Cheers.


End file.
